nAUGHTy Girl Chronicles. Vol 1.
Diary entries of a Black girl navigating love, lust, and the aughts in D.C.
[Sounds of mid-aughts playing from her stereo as she opens her diary]
April 2006
Dear Diary,
Got a little tale about a man I’m dating. I’ll just call him, SAD.
It is springtime now, and for me, there is nothing like this season to inspire me to find love in everything. The bright blue skies, the promise of summer, the temperate winds, the marshmallow clouds, the cherry blossoms in April. D.C. is so easy to fall in love with during this time of year, and just as easy to want someone to share it with, even if only briefly. So, I’m happy SAD came into the picture.
Good-looking, intelligent, well-dressed SAD. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve been impressed with his maturity and his patience with my carefree attitude about life. I decided to give him a try and go out on a few dates. We’ve visited museums, watched movies, gone to nightclubs, and introduced one another to friends. Everything has been moving at a good pace.
We shared our first kiss two months into dating. I know, two months! Really, really sweet. As I said, he is a very patient man and will not pressure any woman into doing anything she does not want to do. Perfect, right? Last night, after I arrived home from playing a co-ed softball game after work, he called me:
“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.
“Just got home from playing a softball game. How are you?”
“I’m pretty good.”
“That’s good.”
He asked, “Did you all win?”
“You know it. We are getting better now.”
“Good. Good. Hey, I have a question.”
“What’s up?”
He asked, “What if I said I want to come over tonight?”
mmmmmm. I bit my lower lip at the proposition.
I said, “Um, sure, I guess. It’s Tuesday, and it’s almost 10 pm, but if you'd like to come over for a little while, that’s fine. You live in Rockville, though, right?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you in a little while, and I just want to come over and see you.”
“OK. How soon can you get here?”
“About 30 minutes.”
My heart fluttered, and I was so excited. In those 30 minutes, I showered, curled my hair, and cleaned up my place. That’s right. An anxious and horny girl can pack a lot into a short amount of time. I was not sure what to expect, but I wanted to be prepared for anything.
And then there he was. SAD walked through my apartment door, not looking quite as sharp as his normal get-up when we went out. This time, he had on sweats and a baseball cap on backwards. Whatever. It was sweet that he decided to drive 30 minutes just to see me. We hung out, chatted, and laughed. Then he kissed me. Very nice. He took his shirt off and revealed one of the most beautiful bodies I have ever seen. All that working out he told me about was paying off. I was impressed.
We kissed and kissed and kept on kissing. I decided to turn up the heat a little bit. 2006 is all about turning up the heat, ok?! I began kissing his chest and torso, and then began to pull down his sweats. As my lips trailed down his six-pack, I decided to be a naughty girl and pull down his boxers as well…
But I could not go that far.
Why not? Because when I began to pull his boxers down, something hit my face like a steel pan. At first, I was too delirious and shocked to comprehend what was happening. Then I realized.
It was the most pervasive and revolting smell to ever emanate from a man’s balls that I had ever smelled in my life.
That’s right. Smelly. Ass. Dick. The air around me became thick and musty to the point where I was afraid to breathe. I was in fear of becoming noticeably sick. The lights in my apartment were still on, so I knew he would see my disgust and repulsion.
I pulled his boxers and sweatpants back up and told him I was actually getting tired and should go to bed. He believed that excuse. To this day, he has no idea why I never called him again.
Remember: if you visit someone’s house that you are dating, especially at night, whether you think you are going to hook up or not, you should take a shower and be presentable out of respect. Damn!